Rest easy Australia - there is a bigger plan in place

Ok, so we have lost the Ashes. Disappointing ? yes. Disastrous ? no!

In fact, I propose this to be our most cunning move yet in securing our long term "taunting rights" over our esteemed motherland. I firmly believe this loss provides all Australians with a great opportunity to bring our pommie-bashing banter to dizzy new heights, and once again, stamp our authority on the sporting domain.

Of course, this cannot happen now - we must ride out the next 14 months, and put up with the inevitable abuse each and every one of us will receive from our English friends - but just for a moment, set your mind to the next Ashes series, and think about it for a second - ahh yes, you're starting to see my point - we now get a rare opportunity to take something away from the English, something they clearly cherish so much, indeed even something many English have said is comparable with England winning the soccer world cup (though I suspect they'd had a few too many Earl Grey teas when they said this). The thought of taking back the Ashes after letting them have it for just over one year, and after making them wait 18 years to get their hands on it, is just too enticing to contemplate.

Just imagine if we win back the Ashes, and then again hold the Ashes for another 18 years. Oh what fun we'd have asking our English friends if they remember that golden year when they had the Ashes. It will be great.

So, my fellow Australians, I say this - hold your chin up high, and let the English release their 18 years of pent up humiliation and defeat at the hands of Australia - let them have their day - for this, I am most certain, is all part of a much bigger plan!